The Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet is the entry point to Byron Katie's The Work, a meditation-based inquiry into the thoughts and judgments that cause suffering. The worksheet guides you through six statements: identifying what angers or hurts you and why; describing how you want someone to change; offering advice to that person; stating what you need for happiness; naming your thoughts about them; and articulating what you don't want to experience again. By writing down these raw judgments and desires on paper, you create the material for self-inquiry and the possibility of finding freedom from painful beliefs.
What Is the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet?
The Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet is the foundational tool of Byron Katie's contemplative practice called The Work. It is not a therapy tool in the clinical sense, nor is it meant to blame anyone for your feelings. Instead, it is a structured process for identifying and examining the specific thoughts and beliefs you hold about another person that are causing you emotional pain. Katie describes the process as requiring "stillness... quiet... introspection" and notes that "This work is meditation" (0:21-0:32). The worksheet is designed to be completed while quiet and reflective, with eyes closed in moments of genuine contemplation of a situation where you felt anger, hurt, or disappointment.
How Do You Choose a Situation to Work With?
The first step is not to fill in words but to identify an actual situation from your life. Katie invites practitioners to "close your eyes and contemplate a situation where you were very angry or hurt or even slightly angry and hurt" (0:20-0:25). The situation can be recent or from years past. Katie uses her own example from 36 years earlier: she was in the kitchen with her husband Paul, who had suffered four massive heart attacks. She was angry because she believed he was lying to her about smoking—something that threatened his life. The emotional charge is essential; you are looking for a moment where your feeling was real and strong. Once you have the scene, identify who you were angry with. Katie asks: "Who was making you so angry or hurt you?" (0:43). This is the person you will focus on throughout the worksheet.
Statement One: Who Angers, Confuses, or Disappoints You, and Why?
Statement one asks you to name the person and give the reason your anger or hurt arose. Katie's example is direct: "I'm angry with Paul because he lied to me" (0:110). The reason must be specific and grounded in what you believed to be true in that moment. Notice that this is not about objective fact—it is about your thought, your interpretation, your reason as you saw it then. You are documenting what you were thinking and believing at the time, not necessarily what was objectively happening. Katie describes the power of seeing this: "I can see it so clearly" (0:85). Write down one statement that names the person and the specific reason they angered, confused, or disappointed you. Examples might be: "He didn't listen to me," "She was disrespectful," "They ignored my needs," "He broke his promise."
Statement Two: How Did You Want That Person to Change?
In statement two, you articulate what you wanted from the other person in that moment—not what you wanted them to feel or become in an abstract sense, but what specific actions, words, or behaviors you wanted in that exact situation. Katie asks: "How did you want that person to change? What do you want them to do?" (0:141-0:146). In her example, Katie wanted Paul to "hear me" (0:161), and more specifically, to "get honest," to "apologize," and to "admit that he lied to me" (0:179-0:188). These are concrete, observable shifts in behavior or speech. The second statement identifies what would have made you happy in that situation—what you needed from them. You might write: "I wanted him to say he was sorry," "I needed her to pay attention to me," or "I wanted them to admit they were wrong."
Statement Three: What Advice Would You Offer That Person?
Statement three moves into the "should" thoughts—the advice or demands you hold about how that person should be or act. Katie instructs: "With your eyes closed... really, really get still. Notice. Look at that person at that time and what advice would you offer them?" (0:232-0:244). In her example, Katie identifies: "Paul should hear me. He should thank me for trying to help him. Paul should apologize to me" (0:271-0:281). These are the judgments and prescriptions you hold about their character, their responsibility, their obligations. You are writing down the unspoken "shoulds" that were governing your perception. This might include statements like "She should be more grateful," "He should care about my feelings," or "They should know better."
Statement Four: What Do You Need for Happiness in That Situation?
Statement four refines the second statement by asking: "In order for you to be happy in that situation... what did you need that person to say, feel, do?" (0:306-0:317). Katie emphasizes the word "you"—she says "notice, in order for YOU to be happy" (0:311). This is not about their happiness or transformation; it is about your condition for contentment. In other words, you are making your peace or happiness dependent on their behavior or words. You might write: "I needed him to validate me," "I needed her to apologize," or "I needed them to show they cared." This statement reveals the bargain you were unconsciously making: "If you do X, then I can be happy."
Statement Five: What Are Your Thoughts About That Person?
In statement five, you examine and write down the thoughts and judgments you were holding about the person at that time and place. Katie asks: "What do you think of that person in this situation? Notice your thoughts, the thoughts that you were thinking about that person at that time, in that moment, in that place, and write them down" (0:340-0:353). In her example, Katie identifies her thoughts: "Paul is arrogant. Paul is cold. He's uncaring" (0:359-0:365). These are the character judgments, the labels, the stories about who they are. They are not behaviors but essences—your beliefs about their nature. You are excavating the beliefs that underlay your anger. This might yield statements like "He is selfish," "She is cruel," or "They are ungrateful."
Statement Six: What Don't You Want to Experience Again?
Statement six asks: "What is it in or about your situation at that time and that place that you don't ever want to experience again?" (0:392-0:398). This invites you to name the core fear or aversion beneath the anger. In Katie's example, beneath her anger at Paul's smoking and lying was the fear of losing him—of him dying from a heart attack. You might write: "I don't want to feel powerless," "I don't want to be lied to," or "I don't want to feel abandoned." This statement often reveals the wound or vulnerability that the situation touched.
Why Writing Matters in The Work
Katie emphasizes that filling in the worksheet must be done on paper, not merely in the mind. Putting pen to paper creates a separation between you and your thought, making the thought visible and reviewable. This externalization is essential to The Work because it allows you to see your judgments without being consumed by them. The physical act of writing also engages a different mode of consciousness than thinking alone; it slows you down and deepens introspection. By the time you have completed the six statements, you have a written record of the story you were telling about that person and situation—the story that was generating your suffering.
The Role of Stillness and Meditation in the Worksheet
Katie repeatedly stresses that the worksheet process requires "stillness... quiet... introspection" (0:421-0:423). This is not an intellectual exercise; it is a contemplative practice. She states: "This work is meditation" (0:432). By closing your eyes and getting still, you access a deeper layer of consciousness—the place where your real beliefs and fears reside, not your polished or defensive thoughts. The quietness creates space for honest introspection. Without this inner stillness, the worksheet becomes a surface-level complaint list. With it, the worksheet becomes a gateway to the self-inquiry that transforms suffering.
Where to Go From Here
Completing the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet is the first of four steps in Byron Katie's full Work process. Once you have written the six statements, the real inquiry begins—asking four questions about each statement to test whether your beliefs are actually true and to explore the consequences of holding them. The worksheet itself is available for download at thework.com. You can begin with any situation that carries emotional charge, and the practice can be repeated with different people and situations throughout your life. The goal is not to improve others but to examine and potentially liberate yourself from the beliefs that bind you to suffering.
